Don't Get Sick, Don't Get Injured, Just Stay Awake

When I decided that riding bike for a hundred miles at elevation, uphill, in August was a dream of mine, I must have been drugged.  Now that the reality of training for a race is felt in every cell of my body, I find myself saying "Just Kidding, this is hard". My goal has been to pair down my life and to focus on the things that I do like, that I am good at, make things simple.  In my mind it was all very simple.  See massage therapy clients, ride a bike, have fun with the kids, write, pay the bills, repeat. This is what I wanted, what I want, I think? Note upspeak question mark.

I do see massage therapy clients (but I'm always worried about being busy enough). I do ride a bike (but I seem to be stricken with one virus after another, intermingled with injuries). I do have fun with my kids (but now I'm so tired and grumpy and hungry). I do write (but now I've got nothing to say that's funny or witty, because it takes all of my calories to think of words that aren't just swear words). I do pay the bills (but now I worry I won't have enough time to work, play with kids, ride a bike and write if I have to pay bills).  Is this what I wanted? Is this the simple life?

With a bigger goal in mind.. the day to day sacrifices may seem silly, however the day to day is where we all live.  I imagine myself on a bike, on a mountain top, looking down and laughing, laughing that I did it.  That is the picture that runs through my mind when I don't want to sit on the rowing machine.  I fantasize jumping down a flight of rocks and gravel with three feet of travel as I'm holding my planks for one minute, two minutes.  Everytime I start to cough or wheeze, I visualize how my tan, shredded quads will carry me into the 7th hour of this brutal race.  The struggle is really in the day to day, staying on task but letting the day dreaming take away the pain of tight back and sore hamstrings.  

Amber Frisch